Scores of 12-Year-Olds Commit Rape After Viewing Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
WASHINGTON– Federal Communications Commission officials reported Saturday that over 65 rapes committed by prepubescent and pubescent males in the days since CBS's Thursday primetime airing of the Victoria's Secret lingerie show were inspired by the program itself.  The show, protested by many women's groups as soft-core pornography and degrading to women, was aired at 9 p.m. EST, allowing a nation of sexually curious and hormonally ravaged youths to view the dangerous material.
   “There was a lot of complaint leading up to the show, via email,” said one of the FCC's five commissioners, Michael Copps.  “But now I'm getting dozens of emails and phone calls from parents saying their salivating 13-year-olds have raped neighborhood girls in the middle of the day in shopping malls, and stories like that.  We are deeply regretful for allowing such prurient programming to air.”
   Cases of 11-, 12-, and 13-year-olds raping friends and family have shot up across the country since Thursday night (see diagram).  Over half of the rapes occurred within one hour of the program's airtime. 
   “We cannot believe the carelessness of the FCC, CBS, and Victoria's Secret in this matter,” said Melanie Brighton, a Concerned Women for America spokesperson.  “It's as if they all believe that the average 12-year-old is capable of handling such a bombardment of sexual suggestion.  We've been campaigning against overpowering television like this for years.  Now they can see what we were talking about.  Hopefully it's not too late.”
   Although a great deal of damage has been done, Copps does not believe it is too late to remedy the situation, and prevent similar waves of media-inspired rape in the future.
   “Obviously, we're going to have to really buckle down on what is deemed suitable for air,” he explained.  “As for now, we must censure CBS for its negligence and look into class action litigation to force CBS and Victoria's Secret to reimburse the victims and to pay for rehabilitation for those who committed the crimes.  Whatever course of action is chosen, we will be with the victims' families one hundred percent.”