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When the balls itch
They are stratched furiously
When the balls itch not
They simply itch not
-Anonymous
I just want you to make love with me
But you know that ol' Christian doctrine says we can't
Therein lies the irony, sweet pea
'Cause we ain't gettin' married unless you're pregnant
-The Burgled
"Mai Tyme 2 D-side"
from Colonel Fragmire and His Invisible Squadron
Entrenched in Warfare and Intergalactic Intrigue
with the Duplicitous Robo-bots of the Ninth Rung
"War is over, if you want it. And have a shitload of weapons."
-John Lennon
There's a certain kind of love
Never sung about by the Beatles
There's a certain kind of love
That comes out the end of my penis
-Take Big Shits
"Are You Finished Talking About Bullshit Yet?"
from Their Posthumous Release
"If sports were politics, my happy ass would be out of a job and listening
to some white man's dream."
-Martin Luther King, Jr
"You know what I love about basketball more than the competition, the
comaraderie, the pain and the pleasure? Black people. Man,
they're hilarious."
-Larry Bird
"Shit, you think I don't know how good food can be? Tacos taste
real fucking good."
-Mahatma Gandhi
The paint on the walls is faded and cracking
The children in town have all but stopped laughing
There is no joy in my old motorhome
It seems as if all the weed's gone
-Take Big Shits
"Love of God, Country, and Narcotics"
from The Final Part of the Trilogy
A monk asked the Master how one may achieve Enlightenment.
"You must think of the most taboo subject there is," said the Master.
"Dead babies?" asked the monk.
"The most taboo subject is so taboo that it cannot be spoken nor thought
of. To think the unthinkable, to speak the unspeakable: this is to
be Enlightened," said the Master.
"Horse blow jobs?"
"You got it."
-Zen Koan
"Life's hard for everybody. Except blind musicians. Record
companies just can't turn 'em down."
-Anonymous
You know I'd jump off a tower
You know I'd do anything for her
But I still don't have the will power
To dip my nuts in boiling water
-Take Big Shits
"How I Do Love Thee"
from Their Sophomore Effort
Tick tock,
What's that sound?
Tick tock,
What's that sound?
Tick tock,
What's that sound?
A Dutchman with a peg leg.
-Anonymous
"Whoever said crime doesn't pay obviously never stole a cripple's wheelchair
and pawned it."
-Al Capone
No matter how strongly the beck of nature calls
Remember: a chick with balls is no chick at all
-Take Big Shits
"Love in a Vortex"
from Their Self-Titled Debut Album
A monk approached the master, who was sitting under a tree.
"Master, why do you always sit under the tree?," the monk asked.
"Why do you not sit under the tree?" the master questioned.
"I was taking a shit."
The master was enlightened.
"Though he may look like the happiest person in the
world, a clown can cry just as easily as the rest of us. And children?
It's real easy to make them cry."
-Zen Koan
"No matter how much it may seem like the world is against you, just
be thankful you're not a retard."
-Anonymous
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