Writers' Strike to Result in End of Civilization
LOS ANGELES– As negotiations between the Writers Guild of America (WGA) and Hollywood studio executives continue unsuccessfully, the possibility of a writers' strike has become seemingly imminent.  A strike would cost $6.9 billion and over 81,000 jobs to the Los Angeles economy, and, more devastatingly, the end of civilization as we know it.
   “Without writers, there is no television, and no movies,” said WGA spokeswoman Cheryl Rhoden.  “Naturally, complete anarchy follows.”
   Much speculation has been made regarding the effects of a strike, but nothing is certain.
   “I would expect mass confusion,” said TV producer Lorne Michaels.  “To what degree, I cannot say.  It could just be people angered at having to watch reruns, or it could go as far as a resurgence in literacy,” he shuddered.
   The strike would not affect the film industry immediately, as most summer blockbusters are complete, but it would affect television, especially late night talk shows.
   “No writers?  Holy shit,” said Tonight Show host Jay Leno.  “Holy shit.”
   “A compromise must be made,” said Los Angeles Mayor Richard Riordan.  “What will people do without television?  Who will write the ‘Monkeybone’s and ‘Freddy Got Fingered’s we desire?   God help us.”
   Some have suggested that if a prolonged strike occurs, effectively eliminating the TV and film industries, people should attempt to engage in “conversations,” spoken exchanges of thoughts, opinions, and feelings, with fellow human beings.
   Others say “conversing” would be an ultimate step, at best.
   “People don't need to start interacting with one another just yet,” said film producer Jerry Bruckheimer.  “That's a drastic jump forward.  There are plenty of things to keep one occupied if there is a strike.  Pornography, for example.”
   Nevertheless, it is clear that problems will arise from a strike.
   “Things will be very different,” said Rhoden.  “Some shows will go into reruns.  We will prevail, though.  You think it's easy to find people talented enough to write an episode of ‘The Fighting Fitzgeralds’ every week?”