JC, do not ever do that again. I bet he's the kind of guy who claims not to like porn, too.

Shhhh. Quiet. Do you hear that? That's the sound of ten thousand girls running out to buy overalls and put their hair into pigtails. Down home girls? No wonder he's Mennonite. Who does he want? Ellie Mae Clampett?

"I date girls back home. Sometimes it gets embarrassing, because the girls who wouldn't give you the time of day in school suddenly come up to you and go, "Hi, remember me from first grade?" and you go, "Eh, I gotta go... bye!"
-Joey
No, Joe. That's not what you do. You slip them your room number and set up dates at fifteen-minute intervals.

Chris: JC had one (a summer romance), but the guy went off and joined the Army!
JC: Whatever. I didn't know it was a guy, OK?
Okay. That wasn't actually annoying, just funny as hell. And also refreshingly honest.

See? I told you that somewhere, underneath all that spazz-o and boring crap, he has some semblance of a sense of humor. But just some. The rest of the time he's all android and shit.

If you could be a fly on anyone's wall, whose would you choose?
Lance: Jennifer Lopez's bedroom! I'd like to be in a space shuttle as it goes up. As a fly, inside.
JC: Wow, I'd like to be the fly on the wall in a writing session with Sting.
Lance tries to throw us off with the JLo comment, but we all know we wants to be in that other famous Latin bedroom, namely the one belonging to Ricky Martin. Nice how he manages to sneak his lame NASA obsession in there again - the Story Writer patted him on the shoulder after the interview. And JC? You're just stupid. I can *hear* that 'wow'. I don't like it. Gordon wouldn't even talk to you, dude.

He just wants to be in Jen's bedroom so he can try on the famous dress and exchange makeup tips. "How do you get your skin to look so lumionous in the new video, girl?" And I love how he stresses that he'd be a fly inside the spaceship. Well thanks, because I thought you'd be OUTSIDE, Lance. Geez. Why doesn't NASA just snap you right up?

As for the Sting comment, I just have no comment. I would just love to see him producing for Sting one day. "I just...WOWEE! Mr. Gordon, I mean, Sir, I mean, I'm just...I don't know what to say, Mr. Sumner sir."

And Sting just sorta looks up from his crouching tiger position and shakes his head. "It's Sting. Just Sting." And goes back to doing yoga.

I wonder if JC tries to convert Lance from country to Sting. "But baby, he has this great song about walking on the moon and stuff. C'mon, listen to this with me and I promise that I'll sit down and help you write one of those letters you keep sending Regis about how you deserved the million but you were just so starstruck sitting next to Emeril that you couldn't think straight. Please?"

What's the best concert you've ever been to?
Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation Tour.
-Justin
It's math time, boys and girls. Janet's Rhythm Nation Tour took place all the way back in 1989. That's right. Justin was born in 1981.

He was bopping along to Nasty when he was EIGHT YEARS OLD?

Yeah. Whatever, Timberlake. Whatever.

Those nasty loopholes. Because I know my parents were all about taking me to see Janet dance around with a big black cat when I was eight years old. And let me tell you, Janet was REAL big with the boys at that age.

What's the best concert you've ever been to?
I actually have a couple. Janet's was great. The most impressed I was with stage presence was Luther Vandross. He stopped his show and talked to his audience for 30 minutes and did not sing one note, and did not lose one person in the audience. He held their attention and just spoke for 30 minutes. I was totally enthralled.
-JC
I just bet you were. Moron. I'm liking this image of JC being enthralled by Luther, though. Funny.

JC's just amazed by anyone who can keep their train of thought for more than two minutes. A half hour is just unheard of. I mean, it takes him almost a half hour to try to tell the story of how they got together, so for him, this is just...wowee.

Larry King asks if the NSYNCers punched their chad when they voted in Florida.
You know what, I got in trouble at the club in New York for punching Chad.
-Chris
Hihihi. Oops. Another non-annoying quote. Sorry. Moving on.

Teen.com: Do you have a New Years resolution?
Hmmm, a New Years resolution. I need to work on stuff everyday. I'd like to start reading more and maybe pick up a language or something.
-JC
I've told you about my conviction that JC is not terribly clever, yet obsessed with appearing so, haven't I? In casu, I present the above statement. Read more- yeah, he's gonna start slogging through the actual written parts of Hustler. Pick up a fucking language. Pshaw! How 'bout Urdu, Jayce? You go wit yo bad self. Maybe you should just stick with Canadian, though. I mean, it's a whole other country and all. Might come in useful.

KD and I have started coming up with humorous anecdotes when they come up with clueless quotes like this. Like imagining JC at an interview overseas, and he cuts off the interpreter? "Guys, guys, I got this." And the rest of them look scared and ask him to just let the interpreter handle it. And he's like "But I GOT this! I've been studying Cantonese for about five weeks now."

I gotta tell you, I would not want to be my girlfriend.
-JC
I would.
-Chris
AHAHAHA. Man, they are just tag-teaming it, aren't they? JC is the perfect straight man. Although not really straight. That's kinda slashy, Chris. Lance is all pissed at him now.

Don't let money change you.
-JC et al., Just Got Paid, Billboard Awards performance.
Uh. Riiiiight, boys. Right.

But you KNOW that JC hasn't been affected by money. Not one bit. I'm sure he still washes out Ziplock bags and reuses them. And of course all those just stunning fashions he's been sporting lately, they're just things he'd be wearing even if he was still just some Mickey Mouse eared has been.

I think they want us to shut up, go along with it, and finance Justin's next Beemer. That's why they buried this in a fabulous breakdown. We should be just so stunned by their harmonies and beatboxing that we don't even notice shit like that.

"It's about just doing the songs that we need to do."
-JC
I can't believe he actually said that.

He wrote a lyric that states "Your eyes are red because you cried." I'm not surprised. Just embarassed. For god's sake, why do I even bother?

"I would say my favorite (song on No Strings Attached) is "Space Cowboy," just because it's a great song. I'm very proud of it. I love everything that happened on the song. It's not just another love song — it's actually something else; it's a concept, which is pretty good."
-JC
I... I just... I want to hit him so much. It's a concept? Chasez, what the HELL have you been smoking?

He picks his own fucking song. Jesus. Again, with JC using big words and ideas to make himself LOOK smart. KD figured it out. He tries to act smart. But he knows he's not. I love having a psych major on the page.

"We're not just singing, "I love you, you love me, blah, blah, blah.""
-JC
Yes, you are. YES YOU ARE! Do you think he ever listens to himself?

He listens to himself when he stands in front of the mirror each morning. "Lookin' good, Chasez, lookin' good. Hair? Perfectly spiked and oiled. Arms? Showcased in a sleeveless top. Ass? (turns and smacks himself in the ass) Oh yeah, yeah, daddy likes that. I am the god of leather pants. (turns and get's ready to leave. Looks back and blows self a kiss in the mirror.) You are one sexy bitch, Chasez. Let's go out and face the world. We're ready."

"You know, we've got some thoughts on what's going on around us right now. We've got a song about the Internet called "Digital Get Down."
-JC
It's not about the Internet.

Bill Gates, eat your heart out. NSYNC is ready to be the next spokespeople for MSN.

"I co-wrote that song with my friends David [Nicoll] and Veit Renn, who produced some stuff for us on the first album. It's just like, it's an Internet frenzy. Everybody's got a computer in their house now, and everybody's connected. It's a weird thing. You can be sitting in your living room and you can be talking to somebody in Kenya and feel like you have everything in common. And it's a matter of people being on the computer at the same time and totally connecting, kind of like a little online party. It's just a personal observation."
-JC
Dude, I told you. It's not about the Internet. And it's certainly not about chatting randomly with someone in Kenya. It's about cybersex and if he doesn't realize that Dave and Veit must have written most of the song while he was asleep or something. I'm also amazed that it took THREE people to write this. Amazed and horrified.

I'm horrified. And slightly turned on, but only when this song is performed in a live setting. Jesus, he's so...kinky. WWJD indeed.

Finally, I did not need to know that "totally connecting" stems from his personal observation. Please feel free to keep stuff like that to yourself in future.

"We've got a song about the human spirit, about what would we do if the world came to an end."
-JC
Go listen to Space Cowboy. Right now. Done? Okay. Now read the quote again. It doesn't actually make any sense, does it? Crackhead.

NO! NO! I refuse to believe that he actually said "human spirit." Jesus. That's how Jewel would describe on of her songs. Not JC. That's just...LEFT EYE raps on it, for god's sake! I'm so embarassed.

"I wrote it (I'll Be Good For You) to a would-be girlfriend; I can't say it was anybody in particular. I guess it's just how I would treat someone if I was, you know, madly in love with them."
-Justin
This is just so Hallmark.

Sometimes Justin doesn't sound so bad. Or, at least, he doesn't sound like he loves himself so much. Like in the CosmoGirl article, where he says that his girlfriends just can't handle all the love he puts into a relationship? But then I realize that it's all probably the handiwork of the "story writer," as KD and I have decided to call the person who sits down and writes up clever anecdote's for them to talk about in interviews. The fucker.

On how he feels about being called a boyband
"Call us what you like; just don't disrespect the fact that we're musicians. Call us the first real boy band if you must, but, you know, just don't disrespect it."
-Justin
It's astonishing his head doesn't get stuck in doorways all the time.

Jesus, Liam, why don't you just shut up? I mean really, at least Oasis had something to brag about, they played and wrote everything.

"I just think we're just real. People can identify the phonies. People can identify people who are fabricated and who are doing it for money. And then they can identify people who are doing it for love. And I think that people see every day how much we love it. We got into this gig because we love music. We love performing. On our days off, we're not sitting around or anything like that; we're finding something creative to do because we're creative people. So I think people can identify the fact that we're serious about our love for music. We're not faking anything. And I think people love the fact that we're genuine about everything that we do."
-JC
JC? You are a trained monkey. Perhaps a genuine monkey. But a monkey still.

JC makes sure the reporter has turned off the tape recorder, and leans in conspiratorialy. "But, you know, I the money and the fame and the chicks are a nice perk, ya know? I'm gettin' my props, if ya know what I mean! (winks and passes reporter a folded up bill) This is for the whitening we talked about in post...you just make sure those pictures come out looking good, and I can get Britney to your house by 7 tonight."

"They may say we're clean-cut boys, but not clean-shaven."
-Joey
Not to be a playa-hater, Joseph, but you're a moron.

Joye strikes again. Steve, you're supposed to keep him in line!

"At this point in our career we just want to evolve with our core audience. That's what the Stones did. That's what a lot of legends do."
-Justin
Because you and the Stones are so in the same league.

But JC has the Brit accent and the skinny as shit part down PAT!

"We plan to do our own stunts. We're guys, so we have to make a guy movie."
- Lance
And how exactly was Grease 3 a guy movie?

Lance said GAY movie, so they had to cleverly edit that phrase. I bet he gets A*Teens for the soundtrack.

On the No Strings Attached show:
"We don't do a lot of slow songs. We do a lot of fast songs."
-JC
Someone buy this boy a book on logic.

Hey, you shake it and you hump it, and I'm there. Besides, I can't stand the cheezy choreography for the slow songs anyway. If I see Justin point at the crowd and crow "YOU!" one more time, I'm gonna have to smack a little booty up.

More on the NSA show:
"It's fast, it's furious, it's like a fireball flying right at you."
-JC
I think I'm going to wet myself.

.......

On the subject of dating:
"Right now, Chris and I are dating some people. Okay, I don't wanna say their names because they could get harassed and stuff, and not only that, it's not like serious or anything. People take everything so seriously. Dating is just dating, it doesn't have to be serious all the time... but, I think that's about it. The other guys are just kinda running around."
-JC
I don't know if he'll be dating anyone once his half of the people hear that it's not like serious or anything. Wow. Dude, that's kind of harsh. And the other guys are just kinda running around? I love that euphemism. "Get laid last night?" "Oh, y'know, I'm just kinda running around."

Some people = 5 or 6 a night. Whores. All of them. Jesus, how does Bobbi do it? I would be so hurt if my boyfriend couldn't shout it from the rooftops that he loved me. At least Dani is common knowledge now.

Q: Are you dating long term?
"No, not yet, thank goodness."
-Joey
I love him. I absolutely love him.

Psychic Chick: You have a thing for hair... Just a lot of hair. Nice, long, flowing.
"I don't really notice if it's a lot of hair. I know that I prefer dark hair to light hair though. I don't know if I like it long or short or any at all."
-JC
That's interesting. JC likes bald chicks.

He's so equal opportunity.

JC: "I want someone who is career oriented."
Psychic Chick: "That's why I get the opposite from Lance. You want someone who is interesting."
I just feel so bad for Lance. Who apparently only digs boring women.

So what does Lance want? Some woman who works at a 7-11 for the rest of her life?

Q: Do you have any kids now?
"As far as I know, no. I hope I don't."
-Joey
He cracks me up.

I love being in love - and if you don't love it then you're not in love!
-JC
He's a master of the witty repartee, isn't he? It's positively Wildeesque.

I want to throw up. And the exclamation point at the end makes it 50 times worse.

Q: Is it embarrassing to watch love scenes with your parents?
"Oh, me and my dad are there rooting them on, ha ha!" -Joey
Imagine being the mother in that household.

Can I be a Fatone?

On having Left Eye rap on Space Cowboy
I think it would be cool to have a female's perspective on a male album. Like you got five guys on one record, and then just to throw a female perspective in there for a second to see what they're thinking about -- it's cool. So we definitely decided she was the go-to. As far as female rappers, for her, she was the go-to right away.
-JC
She's bad. Ain't even no thinking about it. She's bad.
-Justin
Justin? Shut up.

You'd better watch out, young one. Lisa knows where you live. Your nice house, your beloved Beemer's? Poof! Up in smoke. Just like that.

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