What's the deal with JC and
crack?
JC's...scary when he gets onstage. Running,
jumping,
looking like a spazz... Offstage, he's boring as hell, so he has to be
on something.
You're kidding, right?
[...]
Right?
[...]
Dude?
Let's move on to the next question.
Who's Jerome?
Jerome is JC's pimpdaddy dealer. He gets him his crack and speed and
Vicodin and whatnot.
Haha. Another amusing joke. There isn't really a Jerome, is there?
[...]
This is like an episode of Miami Vice.
And we haven't even discussed Joey's mating habits yet. Then you'll really
start having Crockett and Tubbs flashbacks.
I can hardly wait.
Where did the statement "Respect everyone!"
come from? Who is lame enough to say that?
The "Respect Everyone" thing is JC's fault. He said it at a Disney concert,
what can I say? And he wonders why people laugh at his thug appeal.
What's the deal with the WWJD stuff?
You know those WWJD bracelets that were popular a few years back? I think
JC probably had one to go with every outfit.
I reluctantly admit that at one time, the whole
band was
sporting those things. I don't know, I guess they're turned away
from the
church or something lately, the WWJD is gone and tight leather
pants and
lyrics about sex have replaced them. I guess they changed the
J from Jesus to Joey. Less pressure.
And Satan SCORES! I say
again: these men are ASSES.
Yes.
Did any of them go to
college?
Chris somehow made it to college. I don't
think he
finished...his duties as a member in a barbershop quartet in Disney
World
interfered.
Did you just make that up?
Yes.
Still, would have been a cool gig.
True. But Chris did go to
college. The rest of them barely made it into high school.
What's the deal with Justin's
necklace?
Justin has this blindingly huge necklace with
his
initials on it - JRT...but he's dyslexic so it says jTr. I financed that
that bitch, you know. Me and all my import singles.
I often wonder if his neck gets sore from
holding
it up. It's big ASS, I'm telling you.
Sounds classy. I wonder
where you'd find such a lovely bauble?
It's from
Tyrone's Pimp Shop, ya heard?
But... but... I don't understand. Why would
you wake
up one morning and decide you have to go down to Minneapolis and
steal
The Symbol's Symbol?
DRUGS. It's the only explanation. He's been dipping into JC's stash.
Does JC actually beat
people?
Probably. I guess it's just how he
is...quiet,
with a dark side.
You mean boring.
Yes.
Okay. Just checking. So you're saying he's the kind of guy who
smacks his bitch up?
If he doesn't, he should. It'd be something for him to talk about.
He's that boring?
Yes.
Gotcha.
Is Joey inbred?
Most definitely. Lance too. Albino
freak.
Lance is from Mississippi, yes?
Oh, yes. He never shuts up about it. He's a good ole boy and he wants
to marry his cousin.
Really?
Probably.
Freakdom!
Yes.
Do you think Lance is the group bitch? In the
literal,
prison sense? Not to be phobic, I'm just picking up some Ricky
Martin vibes there.
Oh, I have NO doubt that Lance is the group
bitch. None
at all.
I bet they pass him around during long road
trips.
I bet they don't. JC would beat them if they tried to take his man.
Is Justin's mother a psychotic Hollywood
mama?
I think Mama Crunkness is definitely a
Hollywood mama. She's really, really involved in her
son's
career. Fit the definition? I think so. Plus she's just psycho...she's
managing a
new girlgroup, Innosense...which is comprised entirely of NSYNC
ex-girlfriends.
No way! Really?
Yep, each member of Innosense has
dated a member of
NSYNC. Definitely something weird going on there.
That's sort of... incestuous, isn't it?
It is.
WOW. I never knew the world of teen pop sensations
was
so fucked up.
Oh, it's one big bad fucked up Ghetto Fabulous scene, baby. Can YOU
dig it?
More random oddness:
Innosense is still with Trans-Con records, the label that ripped
NSYNC
off for millions of dollars and worked Backstreet to death after Brian
had
that surgery or whatever.
No way! Really again? Did they get it
back?
They had a trial earlier in the year to get their
money
back from Trans-Con...I do think they got it all back.
Dude! Is this Transcon place run by the Russian Mafia or
what? But
least they got it back. Good for them. Maybe they can get some
decent pimp
coats now. They're a disgrace to the profession.
What was the deal with their VMA
outfits?
The outfits were awful. JC wore
this pimpdaddy black
jacket with huge fur trim.
Sounds cool! Should I be
thinking 'Hoseph and the
Amazing Ghettocolored Dreamcoat'?
I think you've got it. JC needs that coat to maintain his big daddy image
in the group. He's the man and they're all his bitches. He protects them
from weirdos and keeps them in line and makes sure they don't spend
all their money. All while wearing his GF coat.
He thinks he's living in some blaxploitation movie.
JOSH! He's a white boy who gives the mic a lick,
making him a sex machine to aaaaaal the chicks.
JOSH!
Daaaaamn right
This is going back awhile,
but one of their first singles, can't for the life of me remember
what it was called... the video is set in a kind of space station type
thingy? What were they thinking? They did this dance that made them look
like demented squid. Which song is that?
Just had a thought: NSYNC=Demented Squid.
Now if only they'd named their band *that*, they'd be
getting the street cred
they so richly deserve.
Although NSYNC is cheezy and dumb and all about the tack, I
can proudly say that they have never done a video that involved a
squid storyline. Perhaps you're thinking of The Backstreet Boys?
No, no. I was so confused by this I
actually went and fooled around on Napster until I found the song I was
thinking of. (THUS BEGAN MY DESCENT INTO HELL)
It's called 'I Want You Back' and I'm listening to it right now.
I can see those arms waving, baby.
I'm getting clear images of what they were
wearing, too. There was a shitload of really tight lycra. And Justin's hair
was kind of short and scary. Not as scary as the shirts you could see
nipples in. But still scary.
For a minute I though you
were talking about
"I Want You Back", but the spaceship and demented squid thing
threw me...I
thought you were talking about "Larger Then Life" by
Backstreet.
No, no. That also sucks. But this is the
one where
they all stand in a row and look like a Hindu deity.
Well, they are Gods, you know. Musical Jesuses, one and all.