So they're watching MTV. "Shape of My Heart" comes on. No one can understand it. All the Backstreet Boys are so annoying and unattractive. How can they possibly be lusted after by so many?
"I can't believe anyone would sleep with them," Housemate #1 says.
"But what if you had to? Who would you choose?" Housemate #2 asks.
Housemate #1 considers this.
"Dude, I just wouldn't do it."
KD pipes up.
"But what if you had to? I mean, what if someone's got a gun to your head and they're like "Pick a Boy! Do it, bitch! Do it!"? Who would you pick?"
"Forget it," Housemate #1 maintains. "You can't make me sleep with a Backstreet Boy."
This blatant challenge kicks KD into high gear.
"No, dude, you don't get it. Gun to your head! You have to! Who's it gonna be?"
Finally, Housemate #1 understands that she can't opt out. She agonizes for a few moments. Finally, she shares her decision.
"I guess... I guess Brian. He looks like he wouldn't beat you or anything."
And thus was GTYH born. MTV + boredom=wonderful new games.
We play it all the time, now. GTYH is spreading like wildfire. Feel free to play it at home, boys and girls, but remember: we thought of it first. And if we see a Mattel version in the stores this Christmas, we'll get pissed off.
Some of our favorite GTYH questions:
Gun To Your Head! Backstreet Boy!
KD: I'm going with AJ. I'm thinking that I could scruff him up a little,
make him take off the lameASS nail polish, and I could deal.
WD: Nick - he may be a fatass, but clean him up and put him in
glasses, and I'm there.
Gun To Your Head! Marilyn Manson or the Pope?
KD: This is hard. Very hard. I guess... oh, DAMN, this is hard. I guess
the Pope. Ugh.
WD: As awful as they BOTH are...Marilyn.
Gore or Bush?
KD: You know what? Bush is kind of hot. I'm sorry, but he is. Have you
ever seen footage of him at thirty? Ryan O'Neal, people. Hotness.
WD: Bush - because Gore's always been ugly. Bush was a hottie when he
was younger... man in uniform = good.
Jack Hanna from Animal Adventures or Steve the
Crocodile Hunter?
KD: Steve. I think Steve is cool. And who can resist him in his too-tight,
too-short shorts?
WD: Jack - Steve would probably throw me to the croc's after we were done.
Terri, hold onto him! That poor, poor woman. I give her
major props. She puts up with a lot. Yes she does.
Fred Durst or Eminem?
KD: Fred. Fred is just hot, okay. He's like a white man's LL Cool J. He
makes me think of sex. Eminem makes me want to hug him and tell him
everything's going to be all right and introduce him to my therapist.
WD: FRED. He's just... oh so hot. And he's all about the Christina
shout-outs. Love it. Missus Aguilera, come and git some.
Friends guy?
KD: Chan Chan he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!
WD: Chandler. Humor=SEXY.
Jack or Will (Will & Grace)?
KD: Dude, I'm all about Will, but I think it's more of a case of a gun
to his head.
WD: Can't I have both? Dammit. Will, but there's nothing better then
Just Jack!
Doug Ross or Carter (ER)?
KD: Doug. Definitely Doug. Carter does nothing for me and Doug does...
a lot. Speaking of George Clooney, anyone else consider joining up after
seeing Three Kings? "Major Bates! Major Bates! Major Bates!" I wanted
to lick him off the screen.
WD: Doug. Carter's too... snivelly. But George was a desert hottie.
Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis?
KD: Parker. Parker is hot. Ferris is gay.
WD: Fuck Ferris. Save Parker.
Tarzan or Hercules?
KD: Hercules. Tarzan can't even speak in complete sentences. Plus Herc has
an inside track to the gods.
WD: Hercules...Tarzan is too...knuckle dragging for me. He reminds me of
Chris. But Chris is more elfin.
Chip or Dale?
KD: Oh, come on. There's no difference! I guess... Dale.
WD: Chip was the cool one. Dale was the ugly one. I pick Chip.
Mr. Belding from Saved By The Bell or Principal Skinner
from the Simpson's?
KD: Principal Skinner. He has that evil quality I like.
WD: Belding. Skinner would probably call me "Oh Mother!"
Heathcliff or Garfield?
KD: Garfield. Garfield is a sexy bitch. He's all about eating and sleeping
and I can get with that, yo.
WD: Garfield. Heathcliff was a hood'.
Mr. Wizard or Bill Nye the Science Guy?
KD: Bill. Because if you're drunk enough, intelligence really does
become sexy.
WD: Bill. How could you ever sleep with a man who calls himself Wizard?
Zak from Saved by the Bell or Parker from Parker Lewis
Can't Lose?
KD: Parker. Not only is he relatively hot,
Zak is such a retarded, pretentious,
annoying loser, I'd sleep with Marilyn before him. Almost. Plus, you
know his principle wanted his ass. Parker's. Not Zak's. Although Belding and
Zak may have had a little sumpin' sumpin' goin' on.
WD: Parker. I almost said because he dressed better. But then I remembered
the shirts. But still, Parker.
At least he used his sneaky ways for something useful.
Zak just used his to get out of class and stuff.
Bo-ring.
Mr. Howell or the Skipper (Gilligan's Island)?
KD: Um... the Skipper. I don't really know why. Maybe... the hat?
WD: Mr. Howell. At least you could sleep with money.
Maury Povich or Jerry Springer?
KD: Jerry. For some reason I find him vaguely attractive. I think it's his
all-pervasive sarcasm.
WD: Maury. He's more upscale. He shows the kinder side of midgets.
Brady Brother?
KD: Greg. At least he's legal.
WD: Greg before the perm.
Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire?
KD: Hard one. I think I'd like Fred more. But the thought of having actual...
No. Can't think about it. Gene, you're in, baby. Even though I'm sure you're
hypergay.
WD: Gene. Because we don't have cats like him today. Gene was HOT.
Except when he did Xanadu.
But he was old. So I forgive him.
Matt or Ben?
KD: Oh, come ON! Isn't there some sort of hotness clause where you
get them both? Don't make me choose! Okay. I guess... Ben. Because the scene
in Forces of Nature where he's stripping in the gay club made me... happy.
WD: Ben. He's scruffier. I can imagine him in leather.
I like it.
Charles from Charles in Charge or Tony from Who's the
Boss?
KD: Tony. Not only was he
a feminist avant-la-lettre, he'd clean your house and
look good in a wifebeater, too.
WD: Tony. He's beefier. He'd kick Chachi's ass any day.
Screech from Saved By The Bell or Urkel from Family
Matters?
KD: Sweet Jesus, this is a hard one. I guess Screech. You could always
turn off the lights and gag him. Urkel would just be too weird to handle
without a lot of really good drugs.
WD: Urkel. Because I KNOW he can be hot. I flipped past TNBC last Saturday.
And Screech was STILL on - this time on that basketball show. Give it UP,
dude!
Frank from Step By Step or Danny from Full House?
KD: Frank. He's hot. I don't know what he's doing with her when he could
have me. He just has to leave the kids behind and I'm his. But then
again... I like Danny, too. I don't know. I have a thing for dorks. Hmmmm.
No, Frank is the winner.
WD: Frank. Danny was gay.
Cory or Shawn (Boy Meets World)?
KD: Why isn't Cory's hottie brother Eric part of this equation? Oh, FUCK.
Okay. Um... I guess Shawn. Because Cory reminds me of a poodle.
WD: Cory from the new years and Shawn the older years.
Metallica member?
KD: Dude. I cannot deal. Argh. Okay. James. Because... because he's slightly
less awful.
WD: James. Fuck Lars. Cocky mofo.
South Park character?
KD: CHEF! Because I'm all about the simultaneous lovin', baby.
WD: Stan. Because he gets all nervous around girls.
It's cute. As long as he doesn't throw up on me.
Jay from Orgy or Ziggy Stardust?
KD: Dude- I don't even know who Jay is. Until I can be bothered to
look him up, I'm going with Zig. Better the devil you know.
WD: Jay. He's my secret crush. He wears make up and gets all pretty.
just like Lance.
Conan O'Brien or Craig Kilborn?
KD: Hard! I have a thing for Conan. I have a thing for Craig. I'm going with
Craig. Funny + cocky + cute= yeah, baby, yeah.
WD: Craig. He's cocky. He's sexy. I'd want to do it on the desk.
NSYNC-specific GTYH Questions.
(We stole these from...
well, we stole them. If you have any other good GTYH
questions, send 'em in. We like to play.)
Would you rather have a one night stand with the
member of your choice, which
he will not remember, or a night of talking in a hotel
room, which he will
remember?
KD: Too easy. Since I don't (yet) want to sleep with any of them,
the question
morphs into a variation on the Cabin theme, ie. who would not drive me nuts?
I'm tempted to say Chris because I always say Chris, but maybe I'll go with
JC so I can ask him stuff about his pants and shit. Yes. JC it is.
WD: One night stand with Justin. Because they're all boring morons, and
why waste a night of beatboxing fun?
Which would you most want as a brother?
KD: If you say JC, I'm going to have you arrested. Dude, you are NOT from
Mississippi. You'd have no excuse. I guess... Gee. I don't know. Good one.
Um... Lance would be useless. You'd have to run around protecting him from
bullies. Justin would be an obnoxious little bastard.
JC would play music at all hours of the night and day and demand space
for his art, Chris would be hyper
and annoying. I'm going with Joey. I bet he's a great brother. And he'd
introduce me to all his dumb-yet-hot friends.
WD: Lance would be better as a sister. We'd stay up all night and do
makeovers. Justin would want too much attention. I couldn't take that.
Hoey would hit on all my friends. And JC would make me leave him alone
so he could concentrate on his craft:
"Deidra! I'm making music here!
Leave me alone while I create magic!
Go play with your dolls, little girl!"...
Chris. He'd be fun. We'd build blanket forts and shit.
You have to spend a long weekend with your parents and an NSYNCER. Which
one would
embarrass you least?
KD: Lance. I'm betting he's the perfect houseguest. He probably runs around
dusting when you're not looking.
WD: Chris. He's crazy and funny and he could watch the Simpsons with us.