It started out innocently enough. A trip to find a DVD player and a new TV. Then it got ugly. First, we head to Best Buy. And I tried not to. I tried. But I failed. So I did a quick little sweep over the "N" section. Luckily, there was nothing I didn't have. Well, there was the "Tearin' Up My Heart single. But I let it go. It wasn't anything exciting, except for an interview. Hmmm....maybe...another day. Anyway. Suddenly, I loved Best Buy people. They were looking out for me. And my wallet. I smile. Birds chirp. The sun shines. A cute boy walks by.
But then it happens, as I head out to get the car. "I'll Be Home For Christmas" comes over the Best Buy radio network. I suddenly flash back to the last time I was at Best Buy. Those mother fuckers. They don't go away. Even AFTER Christmas, the stupid song is still haunting me. "That's 13 bucks you don't have and we do, bitch! AHAHAHAH! Your money went towards Uncle Lou's new hairpiece and Justin's new Benz, stupid woman!"
Those fuckers.
We head to Circuit City. I walk in, snap up the new David Gray CD, and am proud of myself for not allowing NSYNC to ruin my musical tastes. I go over to join my dad in the TV section.
A familiar red and green background comes over the CCTV network. And that...is it....Gary Coleman? My eyes flash to the little writing in the corner. I see it. NSYNC. Merry Christmas Happy Holidays.
On
Every
Single
Fucking
TV
In
The
Store.
I'm standing in the middle of the TV section, amidst about 75-100 televisions. Surrounded by NSYNC. "What'chu talkin' bout, Gary?" assualts me in Dolby surround sound x 100.
It was the most surreal experience of my life.
I stood there, enraptured at all that was going on around me. I had this feeling...you know, the "This is not happening?" kind, as I stared at row after row of JC in his hat/goggle combo.
Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the need to sit down and just laugh hysterically. Or cry hysterically. One of the two.
I position myself in front of the largest Sony WEGA's I've ever seen. Those flat screens are pretty cool - no glare off of Justin's platinum head or anything.
So my dad and I are standing there. He's looking at TV's. I'm just dumbfounded. "Here kid, look through this." I take it, leaf through it. But my eyes never leave the tv. All I want to do is howl. Here I am, surrounded by NSYNC, and my dad is in front of me, leaning in close to look at the TV while JC is humping Lance.
Surreal. Just surreal.
All I wanted was a pen and paper. My only chance to see this and make fun, and I'm stuck in a store. But, I do remember key points. And when we headed back to Best Buy, I dropped my dad off at the entrance, and then I grabbed out my checkbook and scribbled things all over the back of it. But we won't tell anyone that. So here's what I have. I'll translate.
Homeless
NSYNC appears at some cheesy "Food for the Homeless" soup kitchen place. I want to hit them. Nice use of the "traditional homeless look" people.
Good will/Spanish
I'm amazed at that my pitiful spanish skills still allow me to recognize that behind them, it says "Good Will Towards Man" en espanol. Nice use of the green screen/holiday backdrop.
JC/tinsel
Some girl in a short skirt wearing tinsel around her neck and waving it seductively dances with JC as he looks frightened out of his mind.
Joey/Kid
Joey also gets a kid to play with, a little girl, I think. But whatever it was, it was adorable.
MJ Spin
JC executes a Michael Jackson spin. For no reason. During one of the tree scenes. You know the spin, where afterwards he grabs himself? Not sure if JC did the grab. I'm hoping not.
JC/Kid/Sing
JC mouths the words as he holds that adorable boy. I want to melt.
Chris/Glasses
Chris wears these horrid, horrid black glasses.
Joe/Headgear
Joey steals JC's goggles for a few scenes.
Girls Decorating
They show these random girls decorating. All of a sudden, joey turns up on the couch between two of them. As does Lance. JC pops from behind the couch and produces a present. Nerd. Justin appears from under the snow, and shakes it off before singing his verse. Cute. Lance attempts to dance with the girl he's standing near. It's simply embarassing.
Lance/Girl
Lance gets a little girl to dance with. They're holding hands and jumping like pogo sticks. It's making me dizzy.
Tree/Justin/Girl
At the end, they dance around the christmas tree. Justy comes into view, with one hand on the shoulder of some woman in front of him. And what does he have in tow? A beautiful blonde chick. Figures.
And then it's over. Over.
I just stand there.
Look at my CD.
Trudge off after my father.