The Idiot's Guide to Writing an NSYNC Song
So you'd like to try your hand at writing a song for your
pop idols, teen
dream sensations NSYNC to sing? Have a ditty that you
think would sound
great sung by JC, while Justin thrusts along to the
lyrics?
Well, we're here to help you along your way.
First off, there is no real training that must go into being
able to be a
songwriter. Not everyone can be Dianne Warren - just
look at JC! Haven't
graduated from High School? Who cares! Justin just did
that this year!
Can't spell, write, or read? Who cares! Joey can't
either, and look where
he is! All you need is an idea, and we can help you with
the rest.
Here's what you need to do:
PREPARE
First, gather up your materials. We suggest:
~ Pencils
~ Pens
~ Paper
~ A computer
~ A picture of JC - find one that won't scare you if you
must stare at it for
a long time. Preferably, his mouth should be
closed.
~ Any music that you will find inspirational. We use the
first NSYNC CD, and
put "I Need Love" or "Riddle"(if you own the import) on
repeat.
Next, find a quiet space to do your writing in. If a quiet
space is not
available, find the nearest plane. After you get settled
in, set up the
picture of JC where you can refer to it easily. This will
come in handy once
you begin the songwriting process.
THE 17 SONGWRITING RULES and
GUIDELINES
Before you begin writing, there are many rules that you
must keep in mind for
your song. Following these simple steps will make the
entire process much
easier. Be sure to print them out for easy
reference.
The rules marked by an asterisk (*) are essential, but
the rest do not have
to be included in a single song. It is recommended that
you incorporate as
many elements in your song as you can, however.
Then you will have a better
chance of the song making it onto the CD, instead of a
remake of a
semi-popular 80's pop tune or a song written by one of
the members when he
was clearly under the influence of narcotics.
*1. Your song must include three or more of the
following words:
Angel
Baby and/or Babe
Beautiful
Fine
Girl (This can also be combined with baby)
Heart
Lady
Love (Any variation on the word)
Lovely
Soul
Sexy
Sweet
Woman
*2. There must be a place in the song where members
will harmonize,
therefore asserting the fact that they
can, in fact, harmonize. Use vowel sounds like "Ah",
"Ooh", "Oh", "Doh", or
"Dum". Use Homer
Simpson for reference.
3. You should have a place in the song where JC can
show off his voice. He
also must assert the fact that he can sing. To do this,
add in extra things
at the end of lines, like "whoa", "yeah", or any of the
words in #1. Also,
vowel sounds in #2 will work also.
4. Justin should also have his own part to show off
his angel-like voice.
However, it should be shorter then JC's.
5. When writing, make sure that you indicate where
there is a pause between
lines. There must be a pause, so in a concert setting,
members can add
"decoration" to the song. ie. "I don't understand, I
don't understand" or
"Come baby, come baby, baby c'mon!" or "Put your
hands up!". At the pause,
Justin can also say "Hahaha".
6. You should have a part in your song where Lance
speaks. Preferably, the
line should have one or more of the words from Rule #1
in it. It should also
be incredibly trite. However, do not overuse a Lance
speaking part. This is
to prevent him from getting too popular with fans.
7. If you can't use Lance, try Justin or JC instead.
Addendum to #7 - Never use Chris.
8. Remember, all grammar rules do not apply for
songwriting. "Ain't",
"ya'll", and double negatives are
actually smiled upon in the music world. Things like
"Done done it
again" are perfectly acceptable.
9. Remember, using "'chu" instead of "you" will sound
much better with words
like "true". Also, "wit" instead of "with" will go rhyme
much better with
"him".
10. Can't think of a powerful line that will rhyme with
one before it? Don't
worry! Simply make up a lyric that doesn't quite make
sense, and be sure to
indicate that Justin is to sing the line. People won't
even notice.
11. Sex is okay in your song, in fact, and it is sure to
get your work
noticed. But remember, the core audience is young
girls, so make sure that
your lyrics are quite vague. That way, in interviews, the
guys can state
that the song is not about sex, and can say it is about
something different,
like a chatroom or riding a horse.
12. If you are writing a ballad, make sure to repeat the
most moving lines
twice or more.
Addendum to #12 - It is also recommended to use
"you" a lot in a ballad.
That way at a concert, NSYNC members can point at fans
in the audience. <
br>
13. If you are writing a faster song, add words like
"chillin", "hater",
"whack", "ride", "crunk", or "trippin".
14. Also, to spice up a faster song, add in hip sayings.
We recommend:
"Raise the roof"
"Freaky Deaky"
"It's gravy baby"
*15. The word "yeah" should appear at least once in the
song.
16. Remember to keep your lyrics simple, therefore
easy to learn. This will
benefit both Joey and fans, who will be able to sing
along easily when asked
to at a concert.
17. The title of the song should be at least three
words long. This way,
fans can shorten it into an
indistinguishable acronym that others must spend about
five minutes decoding.
THE WRITING PROCESS
You are ready to write! With all these rules and
guidelines fresh in your
mind, you are prepped and primed to write your first #1
smash!
~ Pick up your pen, pencil, or start typing your lyrics
out on the computer.
Make sure to follow our handy guidelines and rules!
If you are having problems writing, just use your JC
picture as inspiration.
Say things to it like "How do YOU do it,
Spazzmaster J?" or "JC, for
the love of Jerome, I need some help here!" Do not get
discouraged. Not
everyone can write a "Space Cowboy (Yippie-Yi-Yay)" on
his or her first try.
All you can do is try your best.
ALL FINISHED!
You've done it! Your first song is ready to be sent out
to Jive Records,
home of such respected and distinguished groups like
Britney Spears, the
Backstreet Boys, and of course, NSYNC!
~ Print out a few hundred copies of your song,
preferably on eye-catching
paper. We suggest fluorescent pink or orange.
~ Make sure you have a stack of envelopes and stamps
handy.
~ Mail out copies to your song to anyone, anybody, or
anything that is
involved with Jive Records or NSYNC.
*For Jive Records, we suggest executives, secretaries,
cafeteria workers, and
janitors. After all, they see NSYNC, and can give the
songs to them as they
see them in a hallway or bathroom.
*For NSYNC, we suggest group members, Johnny
Wright, band members, crew
members, groupies, members of Innosense, and family
members (especially Steve
Fatone), and people from Brooklyn.
~ Pop them in the mailbox and wait for the replies to
roll in!
However, if you do not hear back after 6 weeks, you can
either assume:
A) Your song was awful.
or
B) No one saw it.
Always assume the latter. In this case, you must fly
yourself directly to
Orlando. Arm yourself with as many copies of your
song as you can afford to
make. Use the same eye-catching paper as before.
Once you arrive there,
head immediately to spots where you may run into
NSYNC, or someone who knows
them. Hand copies of your song to everyone who passes
by.
NOTE: Never give out a copy to a large, balding
man who claims to be
"Uncle Lou".)
We suggest:
~ Jive Studios
~ Disney World
~ Universal Studios
~ International Drive
~ Any club with hot girls outside
~ Planet Hollywood, Hard Rock Café, etc.
~ Orlando International Airport
If you feel that this will get the job done, head back
home and wait for
responses. However, if you are unsure, there is one
final step to take.
~ Find the nearest Hertz and rent a car.
~ Using Nancy Drew skills, ask around Orlando for
where any members on NSYNC
live. Also, find out where Lynn Harless lives.
(NOTE: If you go to the Harless household, you are
legally bound to
accept a position in Innosense.)
~ Travel to their home, and park just a bit down the
street. Be sure to
have on dark sunglasses and a hat.
~ If approached by security, tell them you are not
leaving until you speak
to ____. (member of the group who owns the house,
group member who lives
with two producers because he is too cheap to buy his
own home.)
~ If all else fails, give the copy of the song to the
security guard, and
ask him to please deliver it to _____.
(NOTE: If police are called, run like hell! But be
sure to leave a few
copies of the song behind, just in case. Something like
that is bound to get
your work noticed.)
THE END RESULT
The hard work that you put into writing your very first
NSYNC song will never
be wasted. Here is our three possible end results.
A) Your song makes it back to NSYNC producers, and
they are recording it for
their new album as we speak!
B) Your song makes it back to NSYNC producers, who
feel it would be better
suited for one of the other acts. What an honor -
Britney Spears will be
singing your song on her next album!
C) Your song makes it back to NSYNC producers, and
they send you a letter
back, thanking you for your effort, but they think that
your talent is useful
elsewhere. In other words, your song sucked, and just
be glad that we didn't
tell you what the member of NSYNC said about it when
they read it.
In the case of C, please go back and reread our previous
chapters! And don't
give up! After all, look at "Merry Christmas, Happy
Holidays." It took BOTH
JC and Justin to come up with a song like that.
Happy Writing!
*Idiots Guide is not to be held
responsible for those readers
who find themselves in legal trouble.
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