First up, they introduce themselves. Lance looks good. He sounds normal. Other guys, please take notes.
JC is high. His voice keeps trailing off and he'll speak slooooowly, then speed up, then start slurring again.
Chris says: "Hi, I'm CHRIS, I'm from PITTSBURGH." And then he plugs his clothes. For some reason the way he introduces himself strikes me as funny. It's like he was going to make a joke but decided it was too much effort.
Joey: "I'm Joey, originally from Brooklyn, live in Florida now. 23." (pause) "Aquarius."
Jesus, Joe! Are you picking up the cameraperson? This isn't a singles bar. There's just no need for that kind of behavior.
Justin keeps swallowing the ends of his sentences. He sounds bored out of his skull. He plugs his foundation. He mentions his tv movie.
Then, as Justin talks about male bonding, NSYNC style, random shots of them at a photoshoot are cut in. Chris made himself a moustache and some eyebrows out of gaffer tape. I do that. Gaffer tape is really cool.
JC is retarded. He's doing this little VOGUE thing for the camera, framing his head with his hands. In his frilly blouse.
Justin natters on some more, this time about how they're not puppets on a string. "There's a preconception about a group that may look like us, but I mean, this is our heart and soul on this record, and we thought... what better way to say it than no strings attached?"
Right. It's on to the Bye Bye Bye video. They talk about it for awhile. Then Chris goes: "When we first came up with the idea they were all like (funny voice) "Yeah! That'll be cool!". And I was like... You guys are weird."
I love Chris. Even in the green turtleneck with designer stains he's wearing here.
Cut to Joey: "It's like Mission Impossible, JC came up with the idea."
That boy is just an idea MACHINE, I'm telling you.
Chris: "It's a dude video. It's like a video for guys. It's what we like. Trains... cars... chicks... and dogs!"
Pause.
"I don't know about trains. But cars, chicks and dogs, we like! Trains was just thrown in because me and Joey didn't have anything to do. Let's put 'em on a train! Great idea. I was scared to death."
Joey natters about storyboards and "rotating, revolving rooms". Whatever. He sounds like he has a cold.
Then Justin talks about choreography. In the tiny slice of time inbetween, there's a cut of Lance dancing. Sweet Jesus. I've seen BBB a fair number of times. And I KNOW that take didn't make it. He looks hot. Mean and bad and evil and... yeah. He's glaring and pouting and pointing at the camera.
What the hell happened to that footage? It's a conspiracy.
So Justin talks about choreography. He's a nerd, isn't he? He is. JC says "Energy! Like I said, this album is all about energy!"
He's so retarded. He's not happy unless he's stating the blindingly trite. He just can't stop: "And it was really easy to sing with him, because he's a singer."
There you go again, Joshua, talking about Richard Marx, and aiming for the dumbest thing there is to say about it. We're at the TIPY wardrobe thing now. I think.
JC starts talking about Just Got Paid. It's scary. His eyes light up. He rubs his hands together gleefully. No, really he does.
"We did a Johnny Kemp song," he says, his Maryland accent showing like nobody's business, "that Teddy Riley produced back in the day. He actually did the production again for us. (more handrubbing) Which was awesome, because he's worked with Michael Jackson, and Guy, and Blackstreet, and everybody you can think of. I happen to think he's a genius."
He pauses and stares into the camera to emphasize his point. Does he think Teddy is hot? Is he planning on asking him out? Dude. I'm scared.
"It was a party song back in the day, you know?"
I just want to beat him. He's so annoying. Then he starts dancing along to his own rendition of the party song.
Now Justin gets to talk about I'll Be Good For You. You know what? I used to quite like that song. It's pure, meaningless pop, but it's honest about it. It's not pretending to be anything else. But now that I've heard Justin's take... "It's kinda like Maxwell meets NSYNC."
Do they have to ruin everything?
Random observation: When Justin is being interviewed, either by himself or in a group, he's both bored and boring. He comes across as extremely guarded.
When it's just him and the rest of the group, and the camera is getting "candid" footage, he's the life of the party. He looks open and happy and like he's having fun. He shines.
It's very strange. I can't decide if that makes me sad or just pissed off.
They talk about It Makes Me Ill. For no apparent reason, JC starts yelling.
Freak.
"SHE'KSPERE GOT IN AT THE VERY LAST SECOND, LET ME TELL YA!!!!"
He grins into the camera. Someone hit him upside the head, please.
Joey and Justin talk about Dirty Pop. Justin is, once again, boring and annoying.
"Dirty pop! Say it once and BOOOOM (he does something with his lips that is supposed to be sexy but isn't)... it's a trend."
Someone hit him upside the head, please.
JC says that they wanted to set the trend, "And set the table."
Since you're already hitting, would you mind? Thanks.
Justin: "Well, I just want to say, we did it first."
He glares into the camera, then he and Joey look at each other, look back to the camera, and grin cheesily.
I think I hate Justin more than I hate JC right now.
Now it's time for a segment on fans. Oh, boy. This should be good.
The opening shot is of Joey hugging this chick. No, really hugging her. He's like copping a feel.
Then Justin is booooring again. "God bless 'em, they're the best fans in the world!"
Yeah, sure, whatever. Where's Chris with his gaffer tape?
JC also thinks they have the best fans in the world. Notice that the other, less boring, NSYNCers are conspicuously silent during this exchange. What's that I see on the corner of the couch? Yay! It's Chris with his gaffer tape!
They talk about touring. And how much they love it.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
JC gets all excited about the new show. "When people leave our show, they're gonna be exhausted!"
Why, because it's fast, it's furious, it's like a fireball flying right atcha? Retard.
Lance talks about how they deprived their overseas fans. That strikes me as amusing. Deprived. As though they're a vitamin.
Closing remarks from all of them. Yadda yadda, enjoy it, we did, new video out then-and-then, check out the new album.
Chris looks suspiciously into the camera and says: "Can I go now?"
I love that man. Hate the sweater, love the guy.