Dee's comments are in yellowYou know what I spent the last hour doing? Downloading the entire 'No Strings Attached' album and listening to it. Thank God for Napster. I've got your back, Shawn. (Although I hid the folder after I had gotten all the MP3s... I don't want anyone to know I've got this crap on my harddrive! :jk... sort of:)
These guys are *weird*. And all they sing about is sex! Really.
Okay, maybe not. But what is up with these songs? May I share my concerns? Thanks.
1) Bye Bye Bye
It's poppy, it's peppy, it's a rollicking good time!
But why did they pick the "bye bye bye" line as the title when there are
such better bits on offer? Why
can't they call it... 'I Don't Wanna Be a Loser'? Or,
even better, 'Shoot Me, Hate Me'! That would appeal to
so many people.
I like "Shoot me, Hate me!" the best. But that's my personal opinion
But the bottom line is: this song is okay. It's just... you know. The feel-good hit of the year! Maybe not... but it's a decent song. If only they could keep this standard up.
2) It's Gonna Be Me
It sort of... has almost EXACTLY the same intro,
doesn't? Yep. Can I call it 'Bye Bye Bye, Part II'?
Now they're going on and on about 'I'm not like the other guys'. Excuse me while I laugh uproariously. Don't they know that this line doesn't work?
But it's okay. It sounds like a Britney Spears song. But it's okay.
3)Space Cowboy
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? Why is 'everybody talking
about
Jerusalem'? Seriously. He has other thoughts. He has
his eyes on the skies. Is this song about UFOs? Is
this a Mulder Epic? Okay. It's either about aliens or
drugs.
I'm leaning towards drugs, because 'paranoia ain't the way to live your life'. Mulder would never say that. He knows that paranoia is a perfectly acceptable way to live.
I'm leaning towards the drugs too. Why? JC wrote this one too. He's on crack. I just know he is. This is his ode to happy white clouds.
Was this song on the Wild Wild West soundtrack? If not, why do they mention it?
Why the yippie-ai-ay? And why does the guy doing the talking seem to have severe asthma? Is that supposed to be sexy? It's not. I want to hand him his inhaler.
And WHY does it suddenly morf into another song halfway through? What is Left Eye doing here? I don't understand! She gets respect! She raps on Donell Jones! Donell Jones is what R Kelly wants to be! How can she go from Donell to NSync?
Left Eye was on here after JC did
her a favor and sang on
that Blaque song "Bring It All To Me". Remember that
one? Yeah, he thinks
they dig his Timbs, his baggy jeans, and his thug
appeal.
HAH!
Last note: I keep wanting to say 'they call me the pompatus of love. They call me Maurice'.
You're probably too young to know that song. 'The Joker'. Nevermind.
4)Just Got Paid
Okay. They ripped this off. Can't remember who
originally did it. But... yeah. It's more or less
okay. Although who does this dude think he's kidding?
He does not have a posse. Donell has a posse. R Kelly
does not. Geddit?
5)It Makes Me Ill
This title does not work for me, my friends. Ill makes
me think of early Beastie Boys and...
I don't know. Ill is not a good song word. It's too
pretentious. It's not a male word. Something. I can't
put my finger on it. Sorry.
Ill is not a male word, unless you're some prissy English gentleman or something. I see someone from Are You Being Served? using it. If you didn't have anything good to rhyme with "will", change the damn lyric and don't use stupid words like "ill."
Thank you! That's exactly it.
Anyway... it's okay. Kind of bland. But okay. But that ill has to STOP. Illness is not romantic in a jealous ex. I just see him puking his guts out. Not nice.
6)This I Promise You
Yawn. Whatever. I'm sure it's okay. I fell asleep.
I wish I could sing that high. It'd be cool.
Ohhh, our beloved Chippy. One day he'll be in a nursing home and NSYNC's singing days will be over. That's not too far in the future.
Q: why do all boy band power ballads sound like this? Surely their songwriters can branch out a *little*?
Richard Marx wrote it. Need I say more?
7) No Strings Attached
It's another Britney Spears cover!
I have come to the conclusion that JC secretly writes these songs to steal Brit away from Justin. Yeah, he wrote this one too. He's...everywhere. It's a bit scary.
He's everywhere and it's all BAD! Usually people take years to achieve this level of crapdom. Guess he's just naturally gifted.
Mixing tip: can the guy who's singing get out of the bathroom. There's a weird acoustic echo there. He sounds like he's straining to be heard. Odd.
I really do think I read a quote from JC saying that they mixed it at the house he shares with Riprock and AG (two producers for the album). I guess JC really just had to pee.
"Mind if I do my solo from in here? My STDs are playing up and I have to go every five seconds."
"Baby you're not the only one/you don't have to be afraid to fall in love/I know you've been hurt in the past/but if you want it here's my heart/no strings attached"
You know what? That doesn't actually make any sense. It just doesn't. And he's trying to entice her away from her current boyfriend? What's the idea here, people? That kind of attitude will get your ass whipped, pronto.
Once again, all your concerns can be wrapped up with one answer...JC wrote it. It's like the universal response to all dumb things NSYNC does.
That's actually sort of cool. It must be nice to have a permanent scapegoat in your life. I wonder if I can get one?
8) Digital Getdown
I'm appalled. It's wrong. Wrong, I say.
'Can we get connected?'
I think this sleazy Italian guy used that line on me last week. Classy.
Are you sure you weren't in Orlando? Did the guy have on a superman necklace and have red hair? Joey Fatone strikes again.
More Britney Spears beats.
See? JC's subtle way of telling Justin that when he's not around, he's cybering with his woman. "Hit me Britney one more time!"
They need to dump the drum computer thingy. Really they do. It'd improve the song lots.
'I can't wait to see you touch your body, girl.'
Chatrooms, indeed. I'm onto your sly moves, Chasez.
9) Bringin' Da Noise
The R Kelly complex returns! You're R Kelly, which is basically a skinny version of Barry White, but you want to be Donell Jones. Actually, you really want to be Tupac, but you know that just ain't gonna happen. But you're not, no matter how many long leather jackets you own. You're still Barry White. Deal with it.
Little white guys appropriating black subculture is so embarrassing. Really, it is. Come on, people. You're not ghetto. You don't get to say da. The word is the. Try it! I bet you can do it.
JC claims to have written this one also, but I beg to differ. JC, stop taking the credit for Justin's work. It's not nice.
But it's okay. I could dance to this. It's also not about anything, which is good. Like it.
10) That's When I'll Stop Loving You
Oh, dear. Who's Helium Boy? I'm going into glucose shock here. I just can't stand it. Whatever. I'm sure it's all good.
Chippy strikes again. That's Chris. He was a 'special' kid growing up, I'm sure.
11) I'll Be Good For You
This is okay. This is good summer driving music. It doesn't seem to be about sex. Hang on. Something about 'I know you want it'... ah, screw it! It's all about sex.
Q: Are you sure that this is sung by a male? I don't know, man.
This little ditty was penned by Justin and about 20 other writers. You can bet your ass that he only added the line about sex. And I really do think he's a woman in disguise. His lips are too pretty to be masculine.
Haha. Justine. Funny.
12) I Thought She Knew
Ah, the compulsory 'We can actually sing!' track.
This is awful of me... but, okay, dammit, this is actually kind of sweet. In a sugar coma kind of way.
I can't complain about this one either. I like it, and Joey gets a solo. NICE.
Anyway. Sorry I ran so long on you. Just my two cents.