Dear Joey,
We could have sent you roses, but you'd crush them with your gigantic nose,
And we almost got you a ho in a shirt that read "this is Joe's"
We could have bought you chocolate, but your hips don't need more fat
So we got you what you really need: a titanium jimmy hat.
Dear JC,
We figured that an artist like yourself
Should have no trouble on Valentine's Day,
You'd write women poems about eyes and lips,
But instead what do you say?
Apparently, you pen lines like
"Your skin is whiter than an ounce of crack"
Even you must admit that
That comparison is beyond whack.
You better wise up, loser, or you'll be getting notes like:
Your substance issues are really getting dull,
And your conversational tangents are lame.
I can't take you anymore, you're boring into my skull.
You think nipple sweaters will appease me?
Well look around, you fake-out rhyming fool, and see the new man I've found.
His name? Oh, Puff Daddy.
Dear Justin,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
We think you're gorgeous,
And so do you.
Dear Chris,
You ask yourself, what becomes of the broken hearted?
I don't really know, but I guess they stay retarded.
If the other morons mock you 'cause you ain't got no honey,
Dude, just punch them hard and say: "Listen, bitch. At least I'm funny."
Dear Lance,
We heard you got a new tattoo,
"Flamey and proud," inked on your ass.
There's nothing wrong with being gay,
But since we're girls, we'll have to pass.
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