The collaboration was beyond unexpected. More than one industry executive was heard to wonder aloud how large a contribution to ODB's defense fund must have been made to ensure Justin Timberlake equal time on "If Ya Got Da Balls, I'll Take Ya to Da Mall". Produced by NSYNC's JC Chasez, the Clan's U-God, and, in a surprise move, Kenny G, some might say that too many cooks have spoiled the broth. But Seventh Chakra manages to escape the brimstone of crossover hell, according to NSYNC's Chris Kirkpatrick.
"We're hardcore in our own way," he insists. "Anyone who thinks that just because we're white, we haven't suffered under The Man has another think coming. In fact, we have our own personal Man, Lou. Not even the Clan can follow that."
Although declining, with a brief giggle, to respond to Kirkpatrick's assertions of bad-assness, the Clan's Method Man justified his proposed duet with Joey Fatone and Lance Bass on "Eastside to Dirty South, Don' Fuck Wit Me (Unless Youse a Fly Shorty Of Either Gender)" by mentioning Fred Durst.
"Motherfucker's from Florida, too. Man, he talks a good game about respect and shit, but if yo ass knows Carson motherfucking Daly, you ain't got shit to say. Limp an' NSYNC, baby, they share one big pork-chop-eatin' brain. But at least NSYNC gives us bills for our skillz. Fred just paid us in tats."
Taking a more reserved stance, Dr. Rashid Franklin, author of the upcoming Random House publication "Slim Shady? I Blame Dre: How White People Are Fucking Up Rap Culture", mentioned the many previous collaborations that failed to pan out.
"Eminem and Dr. Dre is possibly the only pairing that worked. Not many people know this, but in '89, Ice T and Debbie Gibson recorded a duet, "Rebellious Teen Love Drivebys in CPT, Bitch!" Thankfully for all of us, the record company deep-sixed it. In '91, the same thing happened to "Cash Rules Most Things Around Me, But Love Is Relatively Inexpensive" by Burt Bacharach and Tupac Shakur. After that, things got quiet until Eminem blew up. You'll be seeing a lot of these pop/rap collaborations in the near future, trust me."
JC Chasez of NSYNC disagreed with Dr. Franklin, referencing unlikely hardcore/pop combinations such as Stevie Wonder and 98 Degrees to prove his point. "And if they can do it, why can't we? We're angry white boys who didn't get our props, man. First they pass us over for the Grammy's, then Rob Thomas refuses to work with us. Man, even clean-cut boys like us can only take so much. All I'm sayin'is, Backstreet? Ya best protect ya neck," he finished in menacing tones. Bandmate Timberlake nodded in agreement, then looked around to see if there are any young white people nearby before continuing cockily.
"Remember what Ol' Dirty said," he whispered. "I'll fuck yo ass up."
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